good evening everyone. so, i'm here at 'bar ass' and no one showed up. where is everyone? it doesn't matter - you're all busy with so much to do! god forbid you rip yourselves away from your horrid lives to join me in celebration of my new article appearing in the national malawi journal of zoological husbandry and research on the sexual promiscuity of pubescent penguins in antarctica. i realize it's not the new england journal of medicine or us weekly, but you wait....you'll see. it'll be up there with the poughkeepsie times register some day. it's all good though. it's all good! today was quite an adventure. i went to the mall to go spend some of the money i made on the uss malaria. i made a whopping $4.50 an hour on my most recent journalistic endeavor so I set out to buy myself a new organ. we drank so much on the cruise, my liver's like shredded wheat. isn't it remarkable you can go to the mall these days and buy bodily organs. hey, while i'm at it i may as well get a pancreas or a gall bladder - you never know when you'll need one of them. i think they're on sale this month - hell, i think i'll get a whole new sinus cavity - that's been shot since the late '80's......psych! just kidding! but i did shop for organs at monkey mouth music. well, not exactly. i just went in to play their floor models for eight solid hours. there's nothing like playing the organ to old recordings of steve lawrence and eydie gormé duets. it was sheer unadulterated heaven. but tomorrow's a new day. i need to rest up and go job searching. how is one able to make a living as a journalist? would someone please tell me!
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