the job search continues...

...and has taken a turn to the obscure. i called monkey mouth music at the mall to see if they wanted to hire me to play the organ at the front of the store, to lure customers in, and they just laughed at me and said 'why should we pay you when you know we can get you for free'. i basically told them to kiss my boil encrusted you know what and hung up! i saw an ad in the upper vlernick intelligencer for a child care re-appropriations counselor. i sure as heck didn't know what that was, but i was positive i could bullfart my way through it. they interviewed me later in the day. of course it was at a minimum of a 112º in the shade. i had to take 3 showers even before i got there and bought out the local cvs of all their deodorant. did it keep me from sweating my garbanzos off. no! so basically the job was to change diapers at the local child care facility. i guess the re-appropriations is moving a poopy diaper off their ass and re-appropriating it into the diaper pail, as you counsel them by softly cooing to them the importance of potty training....or something along those lines. i kindly declined the job and related my early childhood to them in full detail, including the part where my parents were killed in a jet plane accident when i was 14 and how i was in charge of changing the diapers of my 3 youngest siblings 5-8 times daily for the better part of my teenage years. i continued how it was impossible for me to even look at a diaper without the horrible thought of that jet plane plummeting to the earth with my helpless, caring parents aboard. they, of course looked at me like i had 3 heads, but i was clearly off the hook and feeling no guilt. even though i stretched the truth just a wee bit. anyway, that 'meganormous' shopping cart retrieval engineer job interview is coming up so i think i'll give the job search a rest for a while and go out and find myself a life.